About Faith

June 11, 2009 at 3:20 pm · Filed under Discipleship ·Tagged , , , ,

I’ve been thinking out conversation on Sunday morning about faith.  There were so many good questions, and I was sorry I didn’t have a lot of snap to answer Sally’s question and affirm Jonathan’s comments.  The basic gist was “is faith a gift or something we pursue and grow in?”  The answer was “yes.”  It is both.  But because this is so important to not getting side tracked in our walk of following Jesus, let me be a little more systematic about it. 

When we look at what scripture teaches we find that there are definite steps in the journey of faith.  These steps are referred to by theologians as an “order of salvation.”   While this “order” has definite parts (and we will talk about them) what matters from the start is to realize that while there are parts the process is one, unified whole.  While there are parts, they often occur in such rapid succession that we can’t always identify them in our own stories of coming to (and living in) faith.  So this is not a “cook book”, but a description of what we see in our bibles. 

Before getting into the details, it is vitally important that we also remember that this “order” takes place within the context of the reality in which scripture defines the human condition.  In scripture humanity took the glory and obedience due to God and turned it upon themselves (Gen 3).  This twisting corrupted what was created and brought sin and evil into the world (Rom 1:18-32, 3:9-18).  The result was spiritual death (Rom 6:23, Eph 2:1-3, 5). So the starting point for talking about God’s work is not “value neutral.”  It starts with human inability (Rom 7:18, 1 Co 2:14) and spiritual death (John 3:5).    

Because of this, the majority of the work in moving from death to life is up to God. 

Here is the basic “order of salvation”: 

Election (Romans 8:28-39, 9:15-16, Eph 1:13-14, 2 Thess 2;13-14, 2 Tim 1:9-10)

Regeneration/Effectual Call (John 3:3, Acts 2:14-36, Rom 8:30, Gal 1:15, 2 Thess 2:13-14)

Conversion (Acts 2:37-41)

 Justification (Deut 25:1, Acts 13:38-39, Gal 3:11, Phil 3:9-10, Rom 3:21-26, 4:25, 8:33; 2 Cor 5:21)

Adoption (John 1:12, Rom 8:14, Gal 3:23, Gal 4.4-5, 1 John 3:1)

Sanctification (1 Thess 5:23, Phil 2:13, Heb 13:20, Heb 12:2)

 Perseverance (John 10:27-29, Rom 11:29, Phil 1:6, 2 Thess 3:3, 2 Tim 1:12, 2 Tim 4:18)

Death (1 Co 15:26, Heb 9:27)

Glorification (1 Co 13:12, 2 Co 3:18, Phil 3:21)

There are points in which the human will must be part of the process, mainly in conversion and sanctification.  But it must be stressed that even in these places the work is not equal according to the scriptures, it is more 98% God, 2% humanity (1 Thess 5:23, Phil 2:13, Heb 13:20, Heb 12:2). 

With this big picture in mind we can now talk about faith.  At its most basic faith is believing God and ordering all of your life and hope based on that belief.   I shared a quote on Sunday from Leon Morris who said, “Faith, for John, is an activity that takes men right out of themselves and makes them one with Christ.”  The premier example for Paul is Abraham (Gal 3:6-9).  God tells him something that will be true, but about which there is no present reality.  God is faithful and brings it to pass.

In the same we, we are brought to life (regeneration) by God’s grace (election) in order that we might respond to the story of God (1 Co 2:14).  In this faith is a gift from God that we receive (passive). (Eph 3:16-19)  But faith is also active in that we must act on our belief.  (Rom 8:13) The “active” aspects of faith are to stop doing destructive things (called “mortification” by theologians) and to practice good thinking and habits (called “quickening” by theologians).  We can get examples of this in Rom 7:22, 2 Co 4:16, and Eph 3:16.

So all this is to say that faith is a gift from God and something that is part of us.  It is something we receive and respond to and are responsible to (Gal 2:20).  It is both active and passive and involves what we do and don’t do.  But what is most significant about faith is that it is always focused on God and his character, ability, and attributes to bring about what he promises.  It is not a human “work” that causes him to respond to us.  It is a human response to what he reveals about himself. 

We could definitely go on, but I think this is a good stopping point to take questions.

Leave a Comment

A self-indulgent autobiographical thank you after 8 years of seminary

June 4, 2009 at 2:54 pm · Filed under Musings ·Tagged , ,

There I was, sitting on the toilet, when I received a vision that totally changed my life. I know what you’re thinking: It’s the set up for a punch line. But it’s not. It is embarrassingly true. It’s also somewhat emblematic of my walk with the Lord. More humor than dignity. It’s more about the amazing and startling than the polite and poised. Anyway…

It was December 17th. Heather and I had been to Bosnia just before this to talk with the teams there and start our transition and move to Mostar to work with David. But when we got there the Holy Spirit gave us no peace. It has happened to us before. I was offered a full-ride for a Ph.D. at the University of Kansas, but the Lord said no. In fact, coming to Atlanta in 1996 was a walk of faith, as neither Heather nor I wanted to come. But we knew it was what the Lord wanted. It would be years before we started to “get it”, and even longer before obedience brought the peace and joy you expected when you say “yes” to God. Anyway…

It was fine that we didn’t have peace. The problem is that we didn’t have a plan after this. There were leadership issues at the church and a new senior pastor was going to be brought in. I knew that I would be resigning to let him bring in his own group. I had left my job at the Centers for Disease Control to go into ministry. Now it looked like I didn’t have that, but having been in tough spots before we weren’t panicking. We were just clueless.

Then, one day (Dec 17) I went to the bathroom in the church office. It wasn’t a particularly important or urgent trip. Just a mosey down the hall to take care of business. That’s when the vision just took over. The room disappeared in my mind’s eye and I was standing at the edge of a vast river. There were a vast number of “Pea Pod” boats on the river transporting people down the river, some in the faster current others in slower water; but all making progress down the river. As I was watching something hit me in the shin and I looked down to see that one of the boats had drifted to shore. I looked up to see this wizened old man with very few teeth smile at me. He called me to the back of the boat and handed me the huge steering pole worn smooth with the sweet and strain of countless generations. It was pretty cool.

When I went to hand it back, the old man was gone. I looked around and called out, but he was gone. I paddled around the shallows getting the feel for the precarious balance of the narrow boat. When I stepped out and looked across the river the meaning of it all came crashing in on me.

The river was time. The boats filled with people were the church. The steersmen were pastors who were given a boat to steer a certain portion of the river. When it was time they hand off their boat to the next pilot of God’s choosing who gets the next stretch of time.

As I “came to” (it’s not that I ever forgot I was in a bathroom) I knew that the Lord was calling me to the pastorate and that I needed to go to seminary. The next day I applied to the Atlanta Seminary for Ministry and Theology, which eventually folded. Reformed Theological Seminary took the ASMT students and applied our credits to a degree.

I graduate this Sunday, June 6, 2009. My first class was January, 2001. Eight years.

But not an empty eight. The year I started seminary was the year that Caedmon was born. I learned Hebrew in the waiting room of the Georgia Cancer Specialist as Heather had ITP (not enough platelets) with the pregnancy. Fisher came one surgery and sixteen months later in my last semester of Greek. Greek was also learned in waiting rooms, but it seemed like more of those were in the hospital. Heather had a LOT of transfusions with Fisher. One of the worst nights of my life was a Saturday after spending most of that Friday sitting with Heather as she got another transfusion. That Saturday night she started to get a nosebleed (very bad). She went into the kitchen and coughed, and blood when everywhere. I felt everything inside me go numb. We called a neighbor, Rae, to stay with Caedmon and headed off to the hospital again. We got home about 5 am. I took Caedmon to church to let Heather sleep. I still remember how tired I was that day. That semester was the worse grade I made in seminary. But I have a wife and two amazing sons, and would pay any price for these.

Two under two in seminary also coincided with being asked to be the senior pastor at the church later in 2003. In spring of 2004 I got antsy and ambitious and tried to take multiple courses. It was a big mistake for my family. It was also the most difficult class I took in seminary, Gospels with Dr. Mawhinney.

We moved the church in 2005, and I took the year off from school. I can be an idiot, but fortunately I have a wife and elders who are smarter than me.

The kidney stone years of 2006-2007 involved four debilitating episodes, two lithotripsies, and one cystoscopy sprinkled into Systematic Theology III, Apologetics, a magnificent class on grace, and a class on ethics that was a personal water-shed for me.

Spring 2008 was one of my favorite classes, Isaiah to Malachi with Dr. Yeo as we sold our house and moved into temporary housing until we could find a house in the neighborhood the Lord has called us into. I could sit in classes with Dr. Futato and Dr. Yeo and never get bored or disinterested. Anyway…

Here we are.

I loved seminary. I love learning. I love being stretched and challenged. I love how big God is. How amazing his revelation, how stunning his grace. I love tackling big questions like Just War, pacifism, and privilege (thanks Dr. Davis). My ministry would be infinitely more anemic without the richness of seminary. I will miss it, and I will always use the tools it gave me. It was one of many grace-gifts of the Lord. And it all started on a toilet a life-time ago. God is so amazing.

I never imagined this journey. If I had I would have run screaming from the room with my pants around ankles. But he did leave me some dignity. I can’t wait to see what’s around the bend of this next stretch of the river. It certainly gives going to the bathroom a bit of an adrenalin jolt. Anyway…

Thank you Heather, Caedmon, and Fisher – you are more precious to me than life, truly. Thank you Isaacsons, Lees, Mootys, Pradarellis, and Sommers. Thank you elders over the past 8 years who believe that the church must equip the called not just call the equipped: Hassan Ari, Dan Burton, Ray Dillon, Jim Eaton, Bill Fields, Tim Habeck, Dale Huff, Aaron Masih, Jerry McHan, Greg Pratt, Frank Rigdon, and Jim Siwy. Thank you Jim and Jolyn for a thousand gifts of friendship over the years. Thank you John Rowell for being the Lord’s instrument to open this door. Thank you Heather Thomas and Mary Hinkle for doing so much to keep this boat balanced these past years. Thank you Open Table Community/Northside Community Church for all your love and support over these very significant years.

Thank you RTS & ASMT:  Jonathan Stuckert, Dr. John Sowell, Dr. Dominic Aquila, Dr. Steve Brown, Dr. Robert Burns, Dr. Allen Curry, Dr. Bill Davis, Dr. Paul Fowler, Dr. Mark Futato, Dr. Sam Larson, Dr. Frank Ferrell, Dr. Sinclair Ferguson, Dr. J.V. Fesko, Joel Harlow, Justin Holcomb (before he was Dr. Holcomb),  Dr. Al Mawhinney, Dr. Daniel Steere, Dr. Neil Skjoldal, and Dr. John Yeo.

Above all else, thank you Lord, blessed Trinity, Almighty God. I am so amazed that you brought me to life, gave me a vision for that life that is nothing I could have ever imagined, and been so faithful to bring it to pass even in my immaturity and sin. Your love is both fierce and astonishing. I am humbled.

Amen

Leave a Comment

Short, Rambling Teaching on the Holy Spirit

May 12, 2009 at 2:00 pm · Filed under Current Events, Discipleship ·Tagged , ,

First and foremost the Holy Spirit is one of the three persons making up the One God.  He was present at Creation (Gen 1:2), at Cross (Heb 9:14), at Witness (Rev 22:17), and is essential in our perseverance in life (2 Tim 1:14).  1 Corinthians 3:16, 2 Corinthians 6:16, and Ephesians 2:21 (among other scriptures) clearly tells us that we are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in his people.  This indwelling is what marks us as his unique people (Ephesians 1:13-14, also Acts 2/Joel 2:28-32, Acts 10, 2 Co 1:22, 5:5, 1 Thessalonians 1:5).  He is our confidence is sharing God’s story with others (Luke 12:12), our source in prayer (Rom 8:26, Eph 6:26, Jude 20), our teacher (Luke 12:12), the prophetic voice of the church (Acts 20:23), and the giver of gifts for ministry (1 Co 12:11).

For those who have not been taught about the ministry of the Holy Spirit it is often new to hear that Christians are encouraged to keep on being filled and renewed by the Holy Spirit (Eph 5:18) and that we are called to pray for spiritual gifts in order to minister his love and grace to others in power (1 Co 12:31, 14:1, 12).  It is vital to know that the gifts of grace given by the Holy Spirit are used in an orderly manner (1 Co 14:26-33) for the building up of the entire church (1 Co 14:12). 

They are not a “badge” to exalt one person over another.  They are not possessions to be coveted or horded.  The one who graciously bestows these gifts of grace is the person of the Holy Spirit. (1 Co 12:11) Scripture teaches us to eagerly desire and ask for spiritual gifts. (1 Co 12:31, 14:1) But we ask knowing that the Lord has the freedom to say “yes”, “no”, or “wait”.  Often the waiting is a matter of character and maturity in us.   That is, the need for more mature, humble, loving character. 

While the giver of the gifts is God himself and he gives them for building up and commands that they be used in an orderly manner, we also have to be aware that one of the hardest aspects of the ministry of the Holy Spirit in a congregation is that we relinquish a great deal of our preferences in his Presence.  Let’s use this last Sunday as example.  We had an order of service, a testimony, specific songs, a great sermon <grin>, table talk, etc.  As it turned out it was the Lord’s good pleasure to change it all.  We stopped to minister as we perceived his leading.  It was still done out of and for love.  It was orderly.  But we must be clear, we weren’t in charge.  He was and is. 

For a more thorough and orderly teaching on the Holy Spirit, please go to Wayne Grudem’s Systematic Theology.  Dr. Grudem use to teach at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School and wrote the systematic theology text that we use as a congregation and a Free church.  If you are the type of learner who doesn’t like (or learn best by) reading, you may want to check out Wayne Grudem’s teaching on MP3 here:

http://www.monergism.com/directory/link_category/MP3-Audio–Multimedia/All-Speakers-Lectures-and-Sermons/Wayne-Grudem/Scottsdale-Bible-Church–System/

The specific teaching on the Baptism of the Holy Spirit can be found here.  Be sure to look for “Wayne Grudem” as there are several teachings listed on the link. 

http://www.monergism.com/directory/link_category/Baptism/Baptism-of-the-Holy-Spirit/

I want to thank Ray Dillon for giving me the links to Grudem’s teaching. 

 If the person, work, and ministry of the Holy Spirit is something new to you that you would like to learn more about, please let me know.  It is one of the teaching blocks in our 2oolbox, and we can offer it if there is a need/desire.

Leave a Comment

Reconciling All Things

May 6, 2009 at 2:10 pm · Filed under Current Events, Discipleship

My good friend, Jim Wehner, gave me the book, Reconciling All Things – A Christian Vision for Justice, Peace, and Healing by Emmanuel Katongole and Chris Rice, for my birthday.  This is an amazing book that I think every Christian should read.  There is so much wisdom here.   Wisdom about a calling and practice that is so absolutely counter-intuitive that without it we are virtually guaranteed to make decisions that seem right to our nature but are actually counter-productive to God’s work. 

In the life of our community we are in the midst of one of these confrontations.  In writing about the kind of leadership that embodies reconciliation Katongole and Rice write about Church of the Savior in Washington D.C. :

“When I (Chris) visited their ministries, we walked within a matter of minutes among people of every hue adn social class, from the Potter’s House (coffee shop and bookstore), to Joseph’s House (hospice for those dying of AIDS), to Andrew’s House for visiting guests, to Christ House (residential medical care for homeless men and women), to the Festival Center (discipleship training center).  There Gordon Crosby sat quietly waiting for everybody to show up for noon prayer.  In the midst of all the ministry, all the carre, all the swirl of activity, the inward journey remains central as the outward.“  (pg. 132 italics added)

This is one of the balancing/tension points in CCD (Christian Community Development) :  the inward-outward focus.  We saw the requirement for both in our solemn assembly Sunday night.  Josh’s poem about the “burning fire” consuming lives and communities in Chamblee-Doraville and the “water” that flows in and through us was balanced/in tension with the healing, confessing, fear, insecurity and brokenness that came bursting forth from all of us. 

What is important is that we have both without loosing either.  But here is an important point of “order.”  We don’t do the inner work to get ready and prepared to the outer.  It is only in doing the outer work of being engaged and involved personally/bodily that the inner work has any real context.  Otherwise the inner work is prone to a narcissistic, therapeutic emotionalism.  Yet, without the inner work of growth, confession, and healing the outer work becomes mere social work or a codependent, twisted form of martydom/works righteousness. 

As I reflect on Katongole and Rice’s work (which I haven’t finished yet because I keep getting overwhelmed and having to close the book every page or so to pray) I see the necessity of  both in CCD because at the heart of CCD is incarnation leading to confrontation and transformation.  A confrontation that costs us deeply as it did our Lord.  

“Leaders who grow to belong to the gap [in our case the familes and communities in our "2 miles"] are those who journey far enough to feel its deep pain, to lament it, to learn its story deeply.  Always bringing the pain of their context back to God, their response grows deeper over the years, drawning others with them into a distinct way of life.  The leader has not come to the place of brokenness for a brief detour but to “offer [their] bodies as living sacrifices” (Rom 12:1).  In belonging to the gap, everyday leaders take on the deep pain and brokenness there.  Their very bodies and journeys become sites of the old and new in contention.”   (pg.132-133)

Let’s keep both the inner work of healing and unity as we are fully engaged in the outer work of CCD.  Working together overcomes a false distinction because as both work together they bring about the other.  The outer work transforms us in lament and hope.  The inner work heals and renews and fills us with joy and purpose to express love (the outer work).  Ultimately it’s not the task of a particular ministry at a point in time, but the Lord’s loving, confronting Presence through our actual bodies and lives that is the most important work. 

The million dollar question is:  are we engaged in the lives of the people in our “2″ closely enough to have THEM wipe away our tears as we tremble, rage, and are broken by (and ultimately resurrected from) the struggles, injustices, and indignities of living?

Leave a Comment

Some Thoughts on Death

April 24, 2009 at 5:29 pm · Filed under Discipleship, Musings ·Tagged , , ,

I haven’t blogged in quite a while. With all the loss and stress and demands of the past few weeks I have had other priorities.

But I thought it was important at this juncture in our lives together to talk about death. It is important because of how confusing it can be for so many. The different perspectives and often conflicting messages we get in the world around us, and how huge the feelings and emotions are that we experience in the face of such loss.

Before moving forward in developing our theology of death, it must be stated again that theology is meant to explain (whether well or partially) what we find in scripture. It is not meant to dismiss or make irrelevant or alienate a person from their feelings and experiences of loosing loved ones in death. Theology is meant to guide and encourage, not bludgeon and condemn us when our grief and love have at us at odds with our theology. We are human beings who are growing and who struggle. We are not perfectionists who always believe right and act right. If you are going through grief and struggling with loss and death, my prayer is that these thoughts will help not hurt. If it does hurt, put it aside until such a time as you are ready.

So here are some important pieces of information about death that we find scripture:
1. Death is not natural. It is something that comes after the fall (Gen 3:22) and serves God’s purposes for redemption (John 11)
2. Jesus resurrection has broken the power of death (1 Tim 1:10) and the power of the one who uses death to deceive and destroy – the devil (Heb 2:14)
3. Death is called the last enemy. (1 Co 15:26) Believers are promised that one day they will celebrate the complete victory over death (1 Co 15:54)
4. Death itself will be destroyed (Rev 20:14, 21:4) even as Jesus has already overcome it.

What is important to remember is that the scriptures say far more about life and living in faithful relationship to the Lord than they ever do about death “per se” or the after-life. Jesus famously declared in Mark 12:27, “[Our God] is not the God of the dead, but of the living.”

With these things in mind, what is that we can say about death? How do we think about it, explain it, hold some of the tensions we feel about the future hope and the present reality?

We can say that physical death is the separation of the soul from the body. It is never a cessation of existence. Its purpose is to “humble the proud, mortify carnality, check worldliness, and foster spiritual-mindedness”. (Louis Berkhof, I think) Or, to update the language a little, to remind us of our fragility and limitations in the light of our immense egos, to let us know that there really is more than just this life, to keep us from living in whatever way we please without accountability, and to have an ever-present reminder that things are not just as they appear.

I look at death as a reality that checks my (all of humanity’s) prodigious rebelliousness. It is a tool in the hands of God that is part of the judgment for sin, one that will be discarded at the proper time. For those who belong to Christ the fear of death is replaced with a very real hope.

The real wisdom is how do we live in light of the (temporary) reality of death? We live in faith and obedience, waiting for the promised resurrection, focused on adoring God and cherishing others. (BTW, the resurrection is physical just like Jesus at the end of the gospels. No floating on clouds like fat little cherubim with harps.)

I know this barely scratches the surface of the questions and issues. What happens to the soul? In both the Old and New Testaments the immortality of the soul is affirmed: Job 19:25-27, Ps 16:9-11, Ps 17.15; Ps 73.23,24,26; Mt 10:28; Lk 23.43; Jn 11.24; 2 Co 5.1. What about other ideas like “soul sleep”, “annihilationism”, or “conditional immortality”? (I don’t hold to any of these, though some do) What about “hell”, “Sheol”, “the grave”?  What happens to people between their death and Jesus’ return? 

If people want to talk more about these kinds of question, I’m happy to continue. But for now, please know that the scriptures give us a picture and an explanation for understanding some aspects of death and other questions that are closely tied to it (suffering, the problem of evil, etc). It is important to know what our orthodoxy teaches us if we are to maintain hope and faith in light of competing ideas about death and eternity that come at us from so many different sources (other religions, popular books and movies, personal hopes, etc.).

Above all else we need to remind ourselves that all things, even death, have placed under the Lordship of Jesus Christ (2 Co 5:6-8, Phil 1.21). In the fullness of time, at just the right time, he says that he will return to complete the work that he started. A big part of the work is doing away with death itself.

Leave a Comment

Fish Spew: A Jonah-induced confession

March 19, 2009 at 6:57 pm · Filed under Uncategorized ·Tagged , , ,

I’ve been thinking about Jonah, since last Sunday. Specifically how Jonah being swallowed by the big fish wasn’t God’s judgment. God’s judgment was the storm and Jonah’s death by being bound and thrown over-board. The fish, as Bill taught us, was God’s salvation.

One of the profound realizations I took from last Sunday is how easy it is to confuse the means of God’s salvation as being his judgment. I do this a lot in my marriage, parenting, pastoring, and friendships. Once the romance and emotion wears off they all feel like death to me because of the heavy price I have to pay in giving up my selfishness, my personal preferences, and taking hits to my ego. However, all of these are actually the means of God’s salvation for me. They are the tools the Lord uses to change me into the image of Christ.

I think about this idea of confusing the form of salvation with judgment when I think about race and racism.

I have never known racism. I’ve been harassed and embarrassed in my life by being called Jew-boy and Christ-killer; but those were isolated moments not the norm. Ironically, there is a reflex to apply this same conclusion to others who may have had to endure more, but it’s still just part of being in a fallen world. But I have to remind myself that it is impossible for me who grew up in the majority to know what it is like to be on the outside. I can’t treat others people’s experiences as being the same as mine because unlike my experience theirs weren’t occasional exceptions or merely isolated, personal tragedies.

Knowing this, and knowing that some form of racism is almost universal for non-white races, forces me to confront some facts. For me, the individual is everything to the point where is not “white” identity, only individual merit and achievement. Where I think about the people around me without questioning the rules and economics about who can and can’t live around me. Where “market forces” are just a snazzy, evangelically friendly form of what a previous generation justified as “Social Darwinism.” I find myself looking for the simplest solution or sound bite to a complex problem like race and division.

I think about my desire to be fully immersed and conformed to the image of Christ. But what if my “full immersion” isn’t into Christ? What if it is full immersion into a middle-class, white version of Christ? If it is into “whiteness” how would I, a Christian who is middle class and white, be able to tell the difference? Only by talking with those who love the Lord and who have the blessing and the vantage point of being outside of my category. By being outside they can help guide me and direct me from compromising my faith by mixing it with things in our culture and world that don’t belong.

Thinking about these things I find myself back in the belly of a big fish. But rather than a cloying prison of kelp and fish guts, it is my salvation-that-looks-judgment. I’m wrestling with reality I know (the world I am apart of) and the reality I am learning about (friends who have endured scorn, shame, threats, and derision because of what they look like). I have been a part of this problem. Even if I claim it has only been by omission (not doing something) instead of commission (doing the worst thing – actively hurting others) I have still have some complicity.

I think he is showing me this because the Lord is calling us to something profoundly different than everyone come to church and act white (but we’ll call it Christian). I’m not sure what “profoundly different” is yet. But I hope that the Lord will take all of us together into his salvation and spew out something that more resembles his will.

Leave a Comment

Brokenness – the soundtrack

March 11, 2009 at 2:48 pm · Filed under Discipleship, Musings ·Tagged , , , , , ,

I’m finishing my first ever freelance article for a magazine.  It was amazing and fun to do something new.  I think I have a new hero in the editor who made my ramblings succinct and coherent (which anyone reading this blog knows is not part of my style!). 

The assignment was an interview with  a man who wrestled for almost 20 years in ministry with pornography.  His story was so much more compelling and interesting than I could do justice to.  

The heart of his story is one of brokenness.  He lived all of his Christian life trying to control his behavior.  He never learned to trust God’s grace and who he is in Christ to the extent that he can trust others with the deep shame and insecurity that was at the center of his being.  It’s not that he hid his troubles.  He was in accountability and did all the things we are taught to do fight temptation and sin.  It’s that his focus was behavior not his fundamental identity about himself. 

It took an exhausting 18 years of trying to control to finally give up and admit he was ashamed and scared.  At the center of his being he felt like a fraud.   Something the pornography both masked and exacerbated. 

After being taken to a crisis point of realizing that he might lose everything – wife, family, ministry, reputation – he realized that all he really had was Christ.  From here grace could start to penetrate deeper.  He could start to accept what the scriptures say about who he is in Christ, why he is in Christ, what discipleship and life are truly all about.  They’re not about our looking good and being good, but God’s glory and grace in light of our reality.  Not thinking of ourselves more highly than we should lets us respond with genuineness to Christ and invite others to see this amazing Savior who loves even the likes of us.  A Savior that truly means what he says and makes us adopted, loved, valued heirs. 

This man’s story was one that really blessed my heart and called forth echoes of my own (on-going) journey through shame, insecurity, failure, and fear. 

What was weird is that after the interview I found myself remembering a particular song.  I wish I could embed the soundtrack into the article if/when it’s published.  But then again, I’m not sure a religious magazine would feel comfortable embedding emo-angst songs in their publication.  While I’m pretty sure the artists weren’t talking about the battle in a soul confronting God and the self, this is what I hear when I listen to it. 

I hear in the song the dark moments of real fear, confusion, hate, disappointment and longing that I have shared with the Lord.  One that raises a fist in rage at what life has become only to be broken by his love and the reality of my own inadequacy.  Yet in that place of brokenness and burial comes resurrection.  The great, awful, horrible, and wonderful fact is that God wants all of our heart and won’t settle for us hiding the bruised or ugly parts.  Christ’s love wants these too. 

The soundtrack was “The Kill” by 30 Seconds to Mars (you can listen at www.Pandora.com  or some other internet radio station if you’d like to).  The lyrics are:

“What if I wanted to break?  To laugh it all off in your face.  What would you do?  What if I fell to the floor?  Couldn’t take this anymore? What would you do? 

Come, break me down.  Bury me, bury me.  I am finished with you.

What if I want to fight?  Beg for the rest of my life?  What would you do?

You say you wanted more.  What I’m waiting for.  I’m not running from you. 

Come, break me down.  Bury me, bury me.  I am finished with you. Look at my eyes.  You’re killing me, killing me.  All I wanted was you.

I tried to be someone else.  But nothing seem to change.  I know now this is who I really am inside.  Pardon me for myself.  Fighting for a chance I know now this is who I really am. 

Come break me down.  Bury me, bury me.  I am finished with you.  Look in my eyes.  You’re killing me, killing me.  All I wanted was you.  Come break me down.  Break me down.   Break me down.

This man said, “Brokenness is a severe gift from God.”  If you are one who is trying to live a schizophrenic existence of a polished outside and a screaming inside, please know that there is freedom and life.  If we are to truly be a community we have to be a place where we don’t have to compromise some aspects of the truth (our failure and inadequacy) for others (who we are in Christ and how we are called to live). 

One of the things I appreciate most about the elders and others the Lord has brought together here is that almost all have a story of bitter loss – dreams, churches, spouses, reputations.  They – for the most part – lead from these places. 

So here is what I’m asking – ask to hear one of their stories.  I would never ask someone struggling with disclosure to take a step they can’t take.  So appeal to our egos and ask us about who we are and our struggles.  My prayer is that the telling of our hopes, failures, and victories will present the space and the opportunity for you to take a risk, drop your guard, and be real.  In the brokenness we find Christ.  In brokenness he gives us strength.  Through brokenness we are made whole. 

Sacred paradoxes.  But true. 

More weirdness – my play list just played “Save Me” by Shinedown.  Don’t worry.  I won’t transcribe it.  :-)

Leave a Comment

Act now and you too can enjoy amazing success!!!!

February 19, 2009 at 7:32 pm · Filed under Current Events, Discipleship ·Tagged ,

I love the amazing, unexpected, brilliantly loving and bizarre way in which the Lord directs our lives! We were at Pearl Lane after the hail storm yesterday when, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit in a fit of divine energy, Heather uttered in an otherworldly language a prophetic call that spoke directly into the life of another soul. She said – grab your journal because you’ll want to write this down as it is one of the keys to amazing spiritual vitality and Kingdom renewal. It will revolutionize your life and set you on paths of discovery and grace that will literally re-write your understanding of reality — She said, “Would like to come over for some soup?”

I know! Wow!! Who’d have ever thought to do something so audacious, so counter-cultural and risk taking as to ask someone over for soup!? Here is where it gets good. They said, “Sure.”

I know! Two separate lives suddenly linked across an incredible chasm of time, schedule, and circumstance. But it doesn’t end there. They actually come over! We actually had soup together!!

In this midst of this mind-boggling event deep and profound things began to happen. We start talking, and this other person really did need a friend to listen to her. Our boys offered unexpected blessings by greeting her with warmth and affection, taking her around the house, and foisting Valentine’s gifts on her. We start talking. Not about the weather but about hurts and pains and confusion. Deep wounds that were thought to be healed, but had only been partially healed.

I sat – no joking here – spell-bound by hearing the story of a life that in a million years I never would have imagined this person – who I knew somewhat – had actually lived. I’d had never met a recovering alcoholic, call-girl, mistress, pilot before. It took me straight to the feet of God’s grace and magnified his love and mercy in my mind to an unimaginable degree.

We were able to pray together. When she left there was a tangible presence of the Lord and his peace in our house. All because of those few, amazing, God-inspired words: Would you like to come over for soup?

I know that many of you won’t believe me, but it works. All you have to do is make some soup with a little extra for guests. Utter the secret code words (which I think are a translation from some Templar rite embedded in the mathematical code of the Old Testament) and sit back and watch what happens.

All kidding aside, it was an amazing evening that came about because we had a little extra soup and Heather had the desire to be generous and hospitable. Give it a shot. It really will re-define your reality.

Comments (1)

Unexpected moments

February 12, 2009 at 7:26 pm · Filed under Adventures, Current Events ·Tagged , ,

I don’t know if I will ever get use to the way the Lord works.  The more and more I do ministry in the places the Lord calls me to the bigger things seem to be.  By bigger I mean more intense, more unexpected, more difficult, more joyous, more surprising.  Yesterday was another example. 

I walked one of the kids home to pick some stuff yesterday afternoon.  We walked past a group of men by a dumpster who were obviously drunk and animated.  It’s skinny white guy and tiny latino 3rd grader walking by.  After we pass the kid says, “I hate drunks.”  Not knowing what was up I start asking questions about it and how it feels.  It doesn’t take much to get him going about the noise at night, the fear, the regularity of it.  He talks about being robbed and how it was the scariest moment of his life.  As we were walking it seemed like literally every guy we passed was drinking or carting around something to drink.  In all the years we’ve been around I’d never seen so much alcohol being hauled about.

This is a great kid.  He is full of life and energy.  He has a single mom and older siblings.  He constantly makes contact with me.  Leaning up against me.  Jumping on my back – typical young kids stuff.  It’s fun to horse around with him. 

And as he is talking about his life I start getting angry/depressed.  I realize, once again, how far apart our worlds are even now when I’m less than half a mile away.  I just want to get them out and help them find peace.  I don’t want him to wake up in the middle night and be afraid.  So I’m about to ask him if he prays when he’s scared when we meet up with some of the other boys and they run off. 

So I go back into the ministry center for round 2:  middle school girls’ homework help. 

We sit around and yak and they eat and we talk about school and junk (by junk I mean boys).  Then – I really don’t know how or when it happened – they start talking about feeling ghosts and demons around them at different times.  They are immediately dialed in when we start talking about what the Bible teaches about all of this. 

Then one of them talks about being good and God waiting for us to ask forgiveness so that we don’t loose our place in heaven.  So we open up the Bible and talk about the fact that God loved us when we were at our worst (Rom 5:10, Eph 2), and do we think he is MORE upset when we want to do good but make a mistake?  We talked about what real belief is and what happens when we open our hearts to God in the truth of the gospel and turn to him.  And how amazing that is and how the Lord promises to get us all the way home. 

It was fun.  It was intense.  I had these piercing brown eyes locked on me the whole time.  I heard stories and stories.  Again I was about to ask them if we wanted to pray when the room filled with kids escaping the rain and making Valentine cookies and everything else. 

So I walked home – in the rain – tired and happy and sad and encouraged and confused.  An hour or so later some friends came over to talk about life and living. 

After Heather went to bed I stayed up.  I just couldn’t find sleep.  Nor could I think or process or find peace or answers.  All I could figure out was that “you just have to be there.”  It’s not about plans or answers or solutions (although I’ll never stop seeking, planning, hoping), it’s about presence.  Presence in people’s lives.  Unexpected moments of grace and vulnerability and honesty. 

As sharp as the pain is sometimes, I wouldn’t trade it for the numbness that I use to live in for anything.  The only thing worse than thinking of the fear that comes for these little ones is having never known them or being able to care for them – even in oh too brief moments.

The Apostle Paul teaches in Rom 5.3 that suffering is essential to worship.  Not in a masochistic sense, but in the encouragement it gives us that we are actually in the fight.  That we are part of the kingdom of love moving into the darkness of the world to love.  And the darkness fights back.  But it only fights if we are “there”, where we are suppose to be, loving people as he calls us to.  This brings maturity, endurance, character, and hope. 

I know this in my head.  I don’t feel any joy from this. I just know its time to worship.  To lift these young ones up to him.  To trust in his plan and ability and not mine.  Because I don’t have one.  I’m just there and I don’t want to be anywhere else.

Comments (3)

Dissolving a False Distinction

February 6, 2009 at 3:27 pm · Filed under Discipleship, Musings ·Tagged , , ,

One of the things that I hope is dissolving in the western church’s return to the primacy of mission is the false line that separates “international” missionaries from “local” missionaries (i.e. you and I) . Mission is about demonstrating and sharing God’s love in Christ. Unfortunately for many in the US, we have fallen into the trap of professionalism. That is, life is best handled and explained by people with college degrees who specialize in whatever niche issue we are facing (McKnight’s book The Care-less Society is a great explanation if you want to explore the idea more). This idea of specialization and professionalization has even found its way into the local church where we have special people with special callings (i.e. professional missionaries) who live special (different) lives.

Now, before delivering the punch line let me say that I think we need specially prepared people for some tasks. There are callings and specific needs for Christians in other parts of the world – doctors, translators, cultural experts, engineers, etc. What I am about to say isn’t really a knock against those we call “missionaries” , but against an OVEREMPHASIS on an idea. That is, making the communication of the love of Christ strictly the realm of “professional” Christians.

So here’s the punch-line. There should be no difference in how a missionary makes choices and decisions and how we make choices and decisions. A missionary bases all of her decisions on reaching people with the love of Christ. Where they live, how live, what they wear and why – EVERY decision — is about putting his love on display in a way that can be seen and appreciated by the people she is called to.

Most of us make decisions of expedience because for some reason we don’t think we have the same responsibility or calling in putting Christ’s love on display. Or – what is more likely – we figure out where we want to live, how much we want to make (which is usually as much as we can get so we can have more and more), what schools we want our kids to go to (not THOSE schools), and THEN look around to see who we can reach out to. I honestly wouldn’t have that much of a problem with this if it weren’t for the fact that most of the previous decisions are based on fear and privilege that segregate us from others so that – by default – we look around and only see people just like us who made decisions just like us. I think this is a dangerous compromise and the state of the church in the US is ample proof.

Now before everyone gets defensive or thinks I’m being a judgmental pig let me get back to my main point. I’m talking about HOW we make decisions more than the specifics of our life-styles. It could very well be that it is God’s good and perfect will that you live in a good suburb with good schools and have a ministry to those around you in your neighborhood who truly, desperately need Christ. We need to be wherever God sends us and in whatever capacity he calls us to. The question we have to ask ourselves — to be sure we are not delusional or blinded by our culture – is whether in our heart of hearts he is Lord and has the right and freedom to send us ANYWHERE to do his will. If we can say “yes” or even “I want to say yes, but I’m scared witless” then I think we’re doing OK (just be sure you aren’t asking and answering the question alone – it practically guarantees delusion).

The one thing we have to do is ask the missional question, or we will lead an unreflective, compromised, non-biblical life. If we just assume our right to pursue and attain the American dream without a conscious understanding of the consequences and dangers of that dream, we will inevitably compromise the gospel and twist it into a religion that serves our cultural, personal, and national interests and not the interests of Christ.

So as we begin a mission emphasis Sunday please come in having thought and prayed about the fact that Christ has chosen you to be a vessel and a communicator of unimagined love and grace. He is sending us all around the world, in all different capacities, to all different people to bring his story of love so that whosoever believes can know him and have life with him.

Based on this grand vision of Him, where does he want you? Our church is called to Chamblee and Doraville and the international and immigrant community. We have a long way to go and much to do to truly be his presence. Do you need to relocate? Maybe, maybe not. It’s not the answer that matters right now as much as approaching the question as one desiring to imitate Christ’s mission, going where you are sent to those whom God pleases to send you. If we can start making decisions like missionaries about money, time, housing, job, school, family, etc then we will all be walking with him wherever that may be. And – as we are learning in our own relocation – since we know him, his love, and his grace then we can be assured that wherever he sends us and to whomever he sends us to, it is for our blessing and fullness of life not just to share with others.

So you see you can’t really lose if we start living life his way (though, notice I didn’t say it would be easy). But first we have to start remembering who he is (LORD) and start to do things his way.

Leave a Comment

Older Posts »