When I was about 22 years old I was sitting with my girlfriend across a table from someone who was a real spiritual hero for me. We where there because we thought that my girlfriend was pregnant. I remember being so scared and uncertain.
I had been a Christian for a little over three years at the time. I was a leader in the church’s college and home group ministry. I had taught evangelism explosion, and did work in downtown Houston trying to get teenaged prostitutes off of the street. Great externals – no character. Anyway, the point is that I didn’t know what was going to happen to my life in any sense. I felt caught, and didn’t know what to do. But there was no hiding something like this. With a gallows mentality it was time to “take my lumps” and “pay the piper.”
What happened next was so breathtakingly shocking that I had no category for it. It would haunt me, convict me, challenge me, and eventually redefine my whole understanding and approach to ministry. The brother basically said, “I’m so excited for you! This is a glorious day, and I hope you feel thrilled at the amazing things you are going to see God do in your life.”
No abuse. No condemnation. I mean, if he had told me how much I smeared the name of Christ and the church I would have agreed with him (because I had). If he had written me off and stormed out of the place I would have thought that righteous and right. But kindness and hope? I was dazed and stunned.
What I was eventually going to learn was something that he already knew – Christ’s victory is so utterly complete that even sin leads to God’s glory if we walk through it the right way. He knew grace and the power of grace to complete destroy the work of the enemy.
At this time in the life of the community there are a LOT of people dealing with sin coming to light. The sheer volume of moral failures is amazing! While it is tempting to see all of this as the work of the enemy (and it is sin), what I see is the work of the Spirit bringing God’s people to freedom and (real) holiness. Not the freedom of a spotless reputation (which is a lie), but the freedom of finding your confidence and hope in the Cross of Christ and his proclamation of who his children are.
It reinforces the most fundamental fact of our understanding of the Lord: He saved us not because of any goodness in us, but just because he did. He was under no compulsion or obligation to do so. But he did. And in doing so he also promises to watch over us, mature us, and get us to glory. Not in spite of sin, but right through the middle of it.
What is tragic for so many is that they think the victory is in not getting caught. The real and amazing victory is when we bring it to light and start learning the right way to live, how to deal with wounds and scares, being honest about who we really are and experiencing acceptance and understanding . I know this isn’t the case in every church, but I know it is here.
I’m saying all of this because if you are one of the many whom God is bringing into the light I want to encourage you. The Lord is doing amazing things for you. Not easy things. Not things that will comfort your ego or let you keep going in a status quo lie; but true life, true freedom, a true and honest invitation to walk before him and everyone else in integrity and peace. I want to tell you, “I’m so excited for you! This is a glorious day, and I hope you feel thrilled at the amazing things you are going to see God do in your life.”
Now, before the it-can’t-be-that-easy police chime in, let me tell the rest of the story. The walk to wholeness for me took over a decade. My girlfriend wasn’t pregnant, but I had a lot of explaining to do. We started to explore the disconnect between my faith and my life and my obvious failure. Things got better for a little while, but I bolted. Mainly because of my pride, but also because the depth of my wounds and deceptions was stunning. I kept trying to overcome my behavior, when the problem was that I really didn’t believe the truth of who God says I am in him. I kept trying to look good.
The other issue, for me, was theological. I was in a denomination that basically said once you were saved that you were cleaned up and had start earning your keep with good behavior and perfection. It wasn’t until I “discovered” Reformed theology years later that I had the understanding and insight to actually “win” (win doesn’t mean stop struggling, just struggling in the right way and living in integrity).
My immaturity and theology kept me isolated and alone virtually guaranteeing that sin would win every time. God’s way is light, confession, and truth. The truth of who we are in our struggles, and the truth of who Christ is, what Christ did, and what the Lord continues to do in his faithfulness.
The Lord was faithful. He didn’t leave me or forsake me. He walked through the deepest pits of hell that I jumped into. He not only picked me up and cleaned me up, but he gave me things I thought I had forever and completely lost – worthiness to serve him in ministry. What I never got until much, much later was that the only reason I was finally fit for ministry was because of the brokenness, not despite it.
So if you are tired in your fight with sin, come into the light. There is a good and better way. It is neither quick nor easy nor comfortable; but it is glorious and guaranteed.
I know I should stop here, but I can’t help letting you in on a secret. You know what happens on the other side of all this stinky, slimy season of dealing with sin (not that it ever stops it just shifts in intensity)? If we walk through it correctly we will have a whole bunch of men and women who “get” grace at such a deep level that instead of reacting to sin, we will actually charge the gates of hell to reclaim those locked away. Not in the abstract, but by the word of our testimony. We won’t be dealing in secrets, but in truth. We will stand up and invite people into the light by telling our own stories and struggles. We will be secure in who He is and what He promises to the point that our struggles will become rallying calls. We will be so stinking mad at sin and so secure in His victory that we will fight it out loud, in public, and without pretense. In this he will be glorified. “I’m so excited for us! This is a glorious day, and I hope we feel thrilled at the amazing things we are going to see God do in our lives.”
